disintegrate

rate

At the stroke of morning, I lost site of myself. I found myself in between the cracks of my bedroom floor, and forever lost.

Yesterday, I tossed and turned myself to bed. I stared at the ceiling. And today, I woke up with dry eyes. I told myself last night that today will be okay. I was going to start a new day, a brand new day. And I knew that I was going to take control of my life. But eventually, reality hit me hard on the back. Emotionally, Mentally, Physically.

I felt totally helpless. I had no one to call out to, no one to think of, and no one to say that he loves you. I felt non-existant, however, at the same time, alive enough to feel the pain, the agony.

I've seen flashes of myself being killed, like I was tied with masking tapes on my hands and mouth, being tied up so tightly that i could barely move. Then, came a flash of light, and beautifully coloured blood dripped out from my wrist. I was being drove to this place, very dark, very big. The next moment, all i could experience was the taste of salt, streaming down my face. I felt numb, all over. I could not move, neither could I hear, nor speak.

I was paralysed until 6.30am.

Back to reality.
Today was like what I've said in my previous post, many things had happened recently.
I know that sometimes, I might be unreasonable.
Unreasonalbe in the sense that, I do things without thinking about the consequence. Ohwell, I think I really have to change that bad habit in me.
BUT, I still don't think that i deserve such treatment although I have this bad habit right. Ask your self, do I deserve such stuffs? I don't think so.

This year did not really start right. I believe that it would just continue this way, until I do something about it. Oh wells.

Towards the end of the day, I feel that I had a loss of love.
I realise, that love is a word I often use. I think that some people believe it just too lightly. But I don't because everything came out from my heart to my lips. Things have been changing alot.

Different sides of people's personality that were not expected of, have been revealed. Thoughts and dreams broken. Once again in my life. I loss.

有时候，我真的不知道该怎么办才好
虽然，当我需要你的时候你都会在我的身边
但是，这些美好的日子是会过去的